Sunita is officially reading and writing and it blows me away!

And as a side note, my blog post titled I’m Not Enough, has been shared on We Are Grafted In, an online adoption blog.

my thanks

#91 husband made coffee (this comes up surprisingly often!)

#92 free garden gifts from a neighbor who is moving (including raised beds!)

#93 starting to finally feel better after a terrible cold

#94 kids playing nicely together on the floor

#95 sunita looking forward to doing “school” with mom

#96 sunday night mr. rogers

#97 rain boots for the kids and I so we can be outside in the wet and mud

#98 sweet sleepy smiles from my boy

#99 sunshine filled days

#100!! 100 thanks written down

The look she gets when she gets to hold a newborn is priceless.  It’s as if she won the lottery.  She shows her biggest and best smile.  Are we girls divinely designed to be moms?  I think for me and mine the answer is a resounding yes.

We are still growing, but it feels…. more… (sing it with me) “all together now”.

We are still getting to know our new son.  He is a crack-up, show-off, little punk.  He is endearing and adorable.  He is crying and whining less, consoling himself more, and showing so much growth.  He loves hugs and gives kisses, he lets his big sister touch him all. the. time.  He doesn’t mind me brushing his teeth (we got a smaller toothbrush) and only whines a little when we comb his hair or other unlikable daily events.  He shares toys or hoards them and has a hard time taking turns (how surprising for a two-year-old! =D).  He still HATES being redirected, but we have learned to allow him time to say good bye to whatever he was doing before he moves on and that helps tremendously.  He is as much a boy as Sunita is a girl.

Sunita is learning about sharing attention.  She is realizing how it isn’t all fun, all the time.  She is also starting to see the fun of being a big sister.  “Come here, Titus” she calls, not that he listens.  “Do this”, she tells him, not that he does.

Husband has a son who adores him.  As Sunita has always been a mommy’s girl, Daddy always played second fiddle.  Not anymore.  I think Titus would jump.out.of.his.skin if he could when Daddy gets home.

Me, my heart has grown.  He feels more like my child, rather than a child I love but who belongs to another.  He  has given me new and different challenges and new and different blessings than my eldest.  He sleeps (thank Heavens!!) and he sleeps well!  He is much more active and physical.  As I’ve grown to know him more, I see although he isn’t cautious (physically), he isn’t risky either.  He is less obedient than the girl, but he isn’t headstrong or disobedient.  I try to touch him often and look into his eyes many, many times a day.  My kids, they have gorgeous eyes.  I’m finding my way into his heart too.  He lights up when he sees me and wants to hug me and kiss me in the morning, which I adore.  He tells me when we go outside (which is his favorite place) “Mama, Titus Whee happy”.  And I so love that he calls himself Titus Whee.

Finding our way to a family of four has been a journey in every sense of the word.  A wonderful, crazy, amazing, God-gifted journey.  And for that, I’m thankful.

We are sick, sick, and sick.  With pink eye! Head colds!  Sore throats! Coughs!  And a small bit of vomiting! A one stop shop for your basic grossness.  Somehow Husband has escaped everything (even pink eye, which is pretty unbelievable).  Hopefully by tomorrow we will no longer be contagious.  So, tomorrow we will burn down our house since it will be impossible to clean it (kidding).  Anyone know of a magic spell to clean a biological war zone?  If so, I’ll need it by tomorrow.

I know the girl is sneaky, because I didn’t catch the days or weeks when she changed from a toddler to a little girl.  She turned four in December, which I believe to be impossible.  There is no way my baby girl could be four.  Tomorrow she’ll be 18 and deciding on college (at least, that is what the Hubby says to torment me).  Honestly, I love who she was, who she is, and who I see her becoming.  She is joyful, kind, and loves babies and learning.  She amazes me with all she knows.  And although it is true that I miss her as a toddler, I love this age too.  She can’t wait to grow up and I hope to slowly savor each moment (except those whiny moments – we can fly through those).  She celebrated, and celebrated, and celebrated her birthday.  She had a family/adult friends party, a friend party, and some random gift opening events.

Aren’t her friends adorable?!?  Seriously adorable.

Titus enjoyed the celebrations too.  The more (food), the merrier!

We also got to celebrate Jesus’ birthday with some friends.  It was great fun.  The kids “acted” out the Christmas story.  Sunita decided to be the angel Gabriel.

I think the sword adds some depth to the character.

Titus was a wise man.  He had no problem pulling that off.  And by pulling that off, I mean the costume.

I love this picture of Sunita and her friend.  “Mary” and “Angel Gabriel”.   These girls are peas in a pod, except for anything you can see on the outside.

We celebrated Christmas with my family this year and lodged in a rustic cabin near Mt. Hood.  My parents and brothers split a house in the same village.  The kids loved the bunk beds.  If Sunita would stay in bed at nights we would love to do this in our house.

We let the kids use headlamps to look at books before bed.  Sunita fell asleep with her light shining right in her face.  For being such an easy kid to get to sleep, she sure doesn’t stay that way.  Titus is back to being a champion sleeper (still using melatonin).  I love, love, love his rosy cheeks.  They are ridiculously, comically, red when he just wakes up.

This was the kids’ first look at the stockings.  I love Titus’ face.

Titus immediately turned his candy cane into a gun.  I’m sure every guy that reads this is saying “duh”, but for me it continues to surprise me how many things are weapons when placed into a little boy’s hands (at least my little boy).

Sunita’s big gift from us was a guitar.  She had been asking and asking for one.  Unfortunately, Jared and I are clueless about guitars.  I guess we get to learn something new, too.

This was a very cool treat for the kids.  My brother is working with a retired army man who gave him an old flight helmet.  The kids didn’t want it on themselves, but loved having other people put it on.

We celebrated Christmas a second time with Jared’s parents and had more random gift opening events throughout the season.  Our fall/winter season is loaded.  We do Halloween, my birthday, Jared’s birthday, Beach weekend, Sunita’s birthday, Christmas, and New Years.  It’s like a party every other week.  Our kids are going to love when Halloween hits every year – it’s only the beginning of candy, gifts, and hopefully, most importantly, gatherings of all the people they love.

Sunita: “Dinosaurs.”

Dad: “Uhhh… I’m not sure how to pray for those.”

Sunita: [Begins to pray] “Thank you God for dinosaurs, and animals, and stuff. Amen.”

Dad: “Well, OK then…”

my thanks

#81 good food, good fun, awesome family

#82 the big kids – my nephew and niece are a lot of fun to be around

#83 free doughnuts

#84 first peppermint mocha of the season

#85 teamwork with husband in strategic shopping for black friday

#86 popcorn and a christmas movie

#87 time spent laughing with husband

#88 running into friends while shopping

#89 hilarious conversations about santa, husbands, and families with sunita

#90 kisses on the hand from prince titus

Also, we finally have all of Titus’ first doctor appointments finished.  It appears he does have torticollis, which is a shortened muscle in his neck.  So we will be doing physical therapy with him for about 6 months and see how it goes.  Surgery is an option if the physical therapy doesn’t work.

Hopefully now we can start to return to more normal sleeping patterns and take a break from scary doctor visits.  They are really hard on the poor boy and it will be nice to have a little respite.

thanks

#71 for a husband who brings me water

#72 melatonin

#73 friends who drop by with coffee

#74 hugs from a brother to a sister

#75 a clean house, with clean sheets

#76 for friday pizza night

#77 for popcorn

#78 a long snuggle from titus after nap

#79 a friend who dropped by dressed up as paper bag princess

#80 sleeping kids!

Titus has started sleeping poorly.  I had a melt down, verge of crazy-town, ugly cry during the night.  (That’s normal, right?)  I CANNOT do this again.  I can’t have a poor sleeper again.  My body CANNOT take it.  I tried to tell God.  I tried to bargain and plead and literally cry out.  I’m at the end of my no-sleep rope.  I do not know where to go from here.  He has been with us for 5 weeks.  Often after adopted kids are home and settled then the grief begins to show.  I think he is showing his grief and I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT.  I don’t know how to help my poor teary kids who don’t sleep.  We have routines.  We don’t watch TV or play rowdy games before bed.  We do bath and books and bed like clockwork.  We don’t have lights on.  We have sound blockers.  We have tried OTC drugs, herbal supplements, and even surgery (tonsillectomy for Sunita).  Still my babies cry out in the night for comfort and sometimes more than once an hour.  I don’t know how I’m going to do this nightly routine again with another child unless through the grace of God.  I honestly can’t see a path before me, but I trust in the One who can heal my kids, even while I fall shockingly short.

Also, lately, Sunita has been asking to go live with her Indian mom, or at least her Indian caretaker.  I’m ashamed to say, I’ve been irritated and annoyed by this (and even, although it horrifies me to admit it, thinking how she should count herself lucky to have a family).  It bothers me in a way I never expected it would.  That is, it did bother me, until I remembered that in a perfect world she would be with her biological family.  And although I believe God blessed us by choosing us to be her family, it isn’t part of a perfect world, but a fallen one.  Sunita’s heart doesn’t love me less because she thinks about and hopes for what God’s original plan would have given her.  And I know she wouldn’t trade me for anyone else, only that she is curious and wants to know the person who gave her life.  I am thankful God is big enough to handle this too, because Heaven knows I’ve fallen short (again! sheesh! get it together girl!).  I am so sure of His great love to my children that I know He will give me all I need to be a broken, yet beautiful mother to them.

It is amazing to be so broken, so fallen, so “not enough” and to know the Lord of the Earth is enough, and for all of us.

Dad did have to repaint their faces.  I didn’t include a lion “after”, so as not to shame my husband (who am I kidding – not to shame myself!).  But I actually liked his paint job on the girl better.  Don’t I have an amazing husband?  One, he put face paint on the kids.  Two, he used glitter.  Three, he put make-up on a girl.  And don’t let her age/size fool you.  She is a girl and knows what looks “pretty”.